Interiority

Thousands of books have been published, countless articles written, 43 million on google alone, all trying to find their answer to the perennial question.

Self Confidence,  can I feel good about myself? 

For most people they spend their time looking outside in an attempt to make a comparison with others and in doing so hope to place themselves on a par or better with others.

This leads us to two strategies

One group practice Superiority.

By believing that we might be superior to others we attempt to boost a flagging or damaged ego. This strategy is of course based in low self esteem and low self worth in the first place and can lead to arrogance. Not the most positive of human attributes.

The second strategy is inferiority.

Being keenly aware of our own failings or shortcomings and comparing ourselves to our perception of others. Those who seem to do everything better than we do, and then trying desperately to live up to that perception.

This of course is the other side of low self esteem and low self worth.

The thing is this:

Looking outside, seeking in someway to find the approval of others in order to make our own selves feel better is a zero sum game. You cannot win this one for two reasons.

1 Your perception of others is always wrong. You cannot know another person, whats gong on inside them, what their inner feelings are, because

2 They are also playing the zero sum game as well, just like you.

What you see, your perception is their outward face, their attempts to hide their own inner fears and insecurities, their coping strategies for not appearing like they feel inside.

So any attempt to find approval from others is founded in this misconception.

The only way forward towards great self esteem and true self confidence is in self acceptance.

Play the Interiority game

Life is all about growth, Its about learning and progressing, changing, improving.

The only comparison that has any value is comparing you with yourself. Accepting that you are who you are, warts and all.

You are unique, in so many ways, revel in this.

Accepting that everyone around you is playing the same game, no matter what they appear to be doing on the outside. Its all an illusion, A mask, worn to disguise the inner feelings.

So, if we all play the game, we are all equal in that. No better or worse but just different. Yes some have talents in one area but maybe not another, just like you.

Life is an experiment of one. You, unique, and its never going to be repeated.

Learning to just relax into who you are, with all your perceived imperfections, but still good enough is the key to true self confidence.

You don't need to be the best at anything with the exception of one thing.

The best you can be.

If you are not good at something, stop doing it, it only makes you feel worse. Go find something you can be good at.

Heres the thing, we all have something that we are good at, you just might not have recognised that yet in yourself.

Learning to be the authentic you is the key skill to the self confidence game.

Being comfortable with not being good at something.

Stop saying yes when you really mean no. be true to your self

Stop looking for approval outside yourself, you don't need their approval because its not real anyway.

Making decisions out of fear will always be wrong. Fear of what might happen or fear of what might not happen. Just do what you feel is right

Allow yourself to be vulnerable, People love others who show their vulnerability, we all have it and being vulnerable is a strength not a weakness. Our hearts go out to people when they show their vulnerability.

Remember life is a journey of self discovery. You were not born the finished article, you didn't become it in adulthood and the chances are you'll still be unfinished at the end. So try and enjoy the lessons, we are all in the same classroom together.

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This article is based on the work of Carolyn McHugh.